CHAPTER ONE
Lynn…
My dear friend Lynn was diagnosed with ovarian cancer 10years ago; she passed away two years later. Devastated as any 40-year old woman would be at such news, in true Lynn form, she faced her illness with iron will and determination, pretty much as she lived her life. Lynn had a very strong personality. No shrinking violet, she never had a problem with making her opinion known. In her presence, there was never any doubt as to who was in control. She was a force of nature and my approach to her was just to sit back, watch and learn.
One could never accuse Lynn of being a touchy-feely emotional type, but anyone who knew her benefited from her core of pure gold. Like the sun coming up each morning, Lynn could be counted on to help anyone in need. She had an uncanny sense of another’s distress, often showing up to lend support just when it was needed. I can still see her floating down my street one day many years ago, taking my children and me in hand, wordlessly feeding us, handing me a glass of wine, and being there on the very day another friend, Beth, was diagnosed with stomach cancer. Lynn never met Beth and didn’t even know the news I had gotten that day, but somehow she felt my sadness and was there.
This was a typical scenario in the lives of those who were fortunate enough to have this woman as a friend. Lynn definitely saw herself as the helper, and even with a life threatening illness, would be a reluctant helpee. So it was both a shock and an honor when she asked me to go through the journey of her illness with her. Even she needed someone’s support through this time. But on some level, Lynn would use the occasion of her cancer and ultimate death to do something good for the world… through me.
As one would expect, Lynn tackled her illness with the indomitable spirit that defined her. However, she was diminished by a medical system that, though unsurpassed in the technology required for curing bodies, was unaware of the importance of recognizing and validating her spirit. In fact, in most medical circles, any reference to the spirit in healing is thought to be nonsensical at best, a mere opiate for the unsophisticated masses. The mandate of western medicine is clear and that is to do whatever is required to keep the physical body alive. This is an honorable and worthy goal, to be sure. In my opinion, being a western trained physician myself, we do this as well as if not better than, anyone else in the world.
Cancer therapies have provided the means for miraculous cures; unimaginable a few decades ago, and yet something inherent in the process causes irreparable damage to the being that lives in the body. Over the months of her state-of-the-art treatment I watched Lynn’s most defining feature—her self-assured, powerful spirit—wither. It became my personal mandate to figure out why. A few weeks before her death, Lynn told me that her illness and ultimate demise would be worthwhile if I would take what I learned from it and do something to change the practice of medicine. Undaunted by the enormity of this request, Lynn made it clear this was the direction my medical career would take. Who was I to say no?
So, what does a serious illness do to a person? The obvious answer can be stated in one word: FEAR—fear of the pain and suffering, fear of the expense, fear of the toll on loved ones, fear of treatment itself—and the pen ultimate human fear of all, fear of death. Surely, this alone would be enough to crush the spirit of most people,but not Lynn. She marched into this diagnosis and treatment with the same resolve as she marched through her life, always the woman with a purpose. She was as in control of the situation as any person could be until, as so often happens, her wishes and control over her life and treatment were usurped by the brilliant and well-intentioned traditional western medical system.
In the course of cancer treatment, complicated protocols based on extensive and scientific study leaves no room for an individual patient’s wants or concerns. Lynn’s inquiries about complementary therapies (not to replace traditional practice but as adjuncts) were dismissed as unproven and therefore worthless. Sadly, patients are rarely given any active role, much less say, in their treatment, with the expectation being total abdication of control to the doctor. Control was central to the person Lynn was and having it taken away was a major impediment to her healing.
Despite how this may be perceived, this book is in no way an indictment of the western medical establishment, of which I have been a part for over two decades. Despite Lynn’s wish that I do something to change medicine, I have come to realize that, except perhaps to open the minds of a few traditional medical fundamentalists, medicine does not need changing. It is quite remarkable just as it is and we should all be grateful for all that it offers. What is needed, however, is to teach that even in illness or any other hardship, taking control of one’s own mind and spirit is possible and makes all the difference.
Western thought and culture indicates that our minds and bodies are separate entities and that we are passive victims to all that befalls us. The truth is, the impact that our thoughts and emotions have on our physiology is huge and we have a lot more control than we think we do. Extensive research over the last few decades has shown just how powerful our minds are; but this concept has yet to be given the place that it deserves in traditional western medicine. With all due respect to western medical research, protocols and treatment, engaging not only our patients’ bodies but also their minds and spirits gives them the best possible shot at whole-person healing of which physical cure is only, though not necessarily the most important, part.
In fact, a person’s attitudes, emotions and psyche are the most powerful allies that a physician has to insure the best possible outcome. In retrospect, the needs and questions that Lynn had for me during her “journey” through cancer and death completely changed my life, career and direction. To answer her questions to the best of my ability, I read dozens of books and reached into the depths of my being through my own meditation practice to help her through her final life’s process. Although she never achieved a physical cure, I am certain that the introspective work that Lynn did as her life was ending healed her on a deep level. In some uncanny and inexplicable way, I know she shared what she loved to call her “journey” with me so that I could teach this to you.
This is Lynn’s Legacy...
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